Keith

His name was Keith, and I could only imagine the look on his face if he knew I wrote a poem about him

I call him my favorite mistake, yet he was important to me because I took time out and wrote a poem about him

Keith is responsible for taking me to places within myself that I never knew existed

I loved being in love with this man. It was the kind of love I am glad I experienced even though in the end it didn't last

I tasted an dove's tear and felt the breath of God himself while being with Keith

All five senses worked in unison in his presences and there was not a moment I did not smile

The love was real, his touch was a necessity to my very being, he protected me from March's thunderstorms

Only for us to waltz in April's showers. His heart beat determined my existence and his kiss determined my sanity

I loved him, I really did. I fiend for the tingle down my spine I'd get from his touch, my ears bleed to hear him speak

The hairs on my neck would stand at attention at the sound of his laughter, my mind was blown

He showed me loved in five shades of beauty and his silence spoke speeches to me

There was an unexplainable rush that overtook me as he'd use his tongue to taste the waters of my womanly ocean

The satisfaction on his face at the sound of my moans was enough to make me sing soprano opera

The way he'd kiss every single part of me that was covered by brown skin, the way he'd whispered "I love you"

The way he'd say my name, the way he'd hold me at night, the way he'd just be he, I loved Keith

...and he loved me back

And God saw fit for me to experience such a love for three years; and then I got the phone call

Everything that I had known up to that point was taken away from me only leaving a residue of denial

She said her name was Lisa and that she bear the ring signifying Keith's never ending love for her

Then Lisa went on to explain that it was all too important that she murder the living love Keith and I shared

Because a love so great would suffocate her and their children and she could not allow that

She said that perhaps I would find another, but Keith belong to her and she knew I was a smart woman...

I'd understand

10 to zero in nano seconds. And like a fool in love I fought for the love of a married man, but soon accepted that he was not mine

My heart a wounded soldier, my soul a broken general, my life a torn army

I waved my white flag at life and surrendered to the truth, I could no longer be in love with Keith

And to this day, if I want to feel good, I will think back to the times he'd gaze in my eyes and say I love you

And think about the night he lay his head on my breast and cried because the love we made was so beautiful

Keith return home to Lisa and I "understood" and as time pass, I healed, but I never regret that time in my life

I loved a man, and I was loved, I can say that and honestly I'd rather to have loved, than to have never loved at all

The Night My Love For You Died

I sat next to the bed holding's my love head in my hands

Just trying to make since trying to understand how it got this way

Breath I whispered in my love's ear, hold on, don't die

And that seemed to work for a very long time

Until I got the phone call that my love for you had died

A slow death indeed, a pain I meticulous endoured

Bleed on my satin sheets, cried on serra pillows alone

Fought for this love even when you turn your back back on it

This dissappoint was a burning ointment applied to my life

It hurt me, which in turn hurt us, which in turn murdered trust

And without that trust, my love had nothing to live for

So I sat bed side of my love watching it pass away

Urging me to just let go

I tried to make my love remember the good times

And it was enough to rewind but only for a short time

Because I ran out of good times to tell

So now all my love could remember was the hell

The hell you put us through, and even you remember how bad that was

I didn't cry when I heard the news, yet I was kind of enthused

No longer torcered, no longer in pain, no longer abused

A better place I might add my love for you has gone and there it shall rest

I just wanted to tell you, just so you know

My love for you died a couple nights ago

No funeral services, a cremation was its last request

So I will let it burn, I think that that is best

And without that love, theres no need to stay

I've lost trust and now my love for you has gone away

So good bye

My whole reason for speaking to you was to let you know my love for has died

-DFitz

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Operation Love Him and Leave Him

I come to realization that I never really loved him. Not truly. It was really just my sick mental craving of wanting him to want me and only me. So I pretended, like I normally do, to love him. I've loved for real before. When said I love you, I meant it. I felt it. It was real. But when I turn to utter the sacred three words to him, I felt nothing. He always made me feel empty. He never satistfied my need for intellectual gratification. I knew I was not on his level. Yet, my sick mental craving for his infactuation drove me to step down to meet his bar of thinking. I tried to enjoy what he enjoyed, which was neither stimulating nor gratifying. That may explain why I cheated as much as I did. He didn't do it for me, yet he was the one man, that kept me working hard for his love. Funny thing is, I'm still working.

I've tried to scan my past to get to the root of why I treat men the way I do. I have a great father, yet, he wasn't always there. I found myself working over time to try to keep him home with the family, convinceing my young mind that I was the reason for him leaving so much. My mom would tell me that he had to go, it was his job, and he had to take care of us so that we could have all the nice things we had. So I thought, maybe if I helped bring money in, perhaps he wouldn't have to go away. I didn't understand my dad was in the navy and it required him to leave for months at a time. I didn't understand that our country was in the middle of a war (Gulf War) and he had to fight. I just know I didn't want him to go.

I started a business, I had to be like, six or seven. I drew all these pictures and in crayon of course. I taped them to the back of my mom's silver grand prex, and stood outside all day trying to sell those pictures. Trying to make money so my dad would stay home. Funny, I sold one picture to my Grandma, and she gave me a voided check.

My attempt to keep daddy home didn't work, but when my dad found out what I was trying to do, he looked so proud. What I wouldn't do to get that moment back. He was so happy that his child wanted him home so bad that in my own little way I tried to make it so he wouldn't have to leave. It didn't make him stay home, but on that day I became addicted to the feeling of a man being elited to have me around.

I met him through a mutal friend. When I first met him, he was everything I wasn't looking for. He was young, still sucking on his mother's nipple, and didn't own anything. He couldn't even say he bought his own clothes. The one thing he did have going for him was his boyish grin, and his charm. Other than that, he was a self centered momma's boy with a fucked up view of life. On top of that he felt that any female with him should feel honored to have him in her presence. That was funny to me, I had to break him down. I had to make him my bitch. I had to make him feel the same way he made those female feel who followed his trail. Operation love'em then leave him began.

Now, right now you may be thinking, why go through the trouble? Why even waist my time? Amuzement. It kept me amuzed. A joke that only I find funny. A plot great for a story...lol. And perhaps if he can walk in the shoes of a broken heart, he may not be so amp to break one his self.

It wasn't hard making him like me, that was too easy. I slithered my way into his life by secretly finding out on his likes and playing off that. It was so crafty my m.o. I found out he liked to sing, so one day I apporached him with an instrumental another guy friend had given me to write to. I told my victim, excuse me....huh....lets just call him Mike. I told Mike that I wrote something to a song and I would love for him to sing it for me. We arrange a day for him to come by my house and learn the song and from there I had the opportunity to talk to him and find out his weakness. Music was the hole I was looking for in the brick wall around his heart.

I began to flood him with compliments about his music, and how I believed in his talent. Truth be told, I thought he needed a lot of work. And with his work ethics he'd would get no where fast. Yet I told him to not be afraid to step out on faith and go for the goal. He was loving all of it. Taking all that in. See, I could tell, no one in his life was telling him this so it was hard for him to see that it was all me running game. However over time, those hours of stroking his ego paid off and we ended up dating.

He still was an asshole, but I knew when it came to me, I had a special place in his life. I had him doing things he use to brag about never doing for a female. He spent lots on top of lots of his momma's hard earned money on me, he cooked for me, I drove his car around and dropped him off, he made sure my hair and nails were done, and I even had him saying..."I love you". I'd say it back, but I could never mean it.

At one point I started thinking I had him right where I wanted him. Loving only DFITZ, until one day I found something that told me I was not the only one. No he obviously wasn't as smart as I because I had many other friends that spoke to him daily and he never knew that .... okay nevermind all that. Anyway, I saw him on the computer one day and he was on facebook, when I got up to look at his facebook account, he quickly closed the page. Of course that draws suspision. So I'm like, let me see your facebook account, what are you hiding? He told me if I loved him, then trust him. Little did he know I didn't love him so I didn't trust him.

I had managed to learn just about all there is to know about his simple little life. I managed to get into his facebook account at another time by guessing his password. Too easy. What I found was very upseting. The little monster thought he had erased all his inbox, but he didn't erase the notes he sent out. I read them, every last one of them. It was a smake in my face really.

I couldn't decifer if I was hurt or not. I realized that I was a failure. This whole time I thought my game was tight and bam! This happens. Notes to tasha, to trina, marques, alysa, morgan, and the list goes on. He was telling them things like, "Sorry I didn't call you, I got caught up with some other thing". I was that some other thing considering he spent almost every waking moment with me. If I loved him, I would have cried, but I only became angry! I wanted to call him and cuss him out. But I sat in my house and I thought about it. I had to revamp. This whole situation was going to play out in my favor...or else...this whole mission would be in vain.

I picked up the phone...and I called him...



Tune in next week to find out just what did....

They Told me...

He told me go get paid little lady this is your world

Go be somebody great and not your ordinary girl

Make em' respect you give 'em a run for their money

Keep the world laughing when nothing's funny

Make em' pay for your car trust me they won't mind

You give them your all make 'em pay for time

I'm telling you this cause I'm your old man

And it no other out here to take care of you like I can

So take what I say to heart make the world your slave

And if they get a little crazy make em behave

Keep God first in all you do

And at the end of the day they should bow to you



My daddy said...

This is the life you was born to live

Here is the gift you was born to give

Don't be scared to live to give to live



She said if you see a cash cow milk it dry

And make sure you keep three other cash cows in your life

Be satistfied as a girlfriend and content as a wife

Never say I do without a prenup by yourside

Remember that these niggas are shady

So don't to anyone who don't treat you like a lady

Politeness is the key and your heart should stay locked

Keep your legs closed say no kick him out if he shocked

He gets no devotion if he ain't showing a ring

And none of your time if he can't buy you the finer things

Somebody told me these things and I kept that in my bag

And when the time became right I married your dad



My momma said...

This is the life you was born to live

Here is the gift you was born to give

Don't be scared to live to give to live



He told me he would always love and not to never forget

He told me had to go away because he won't on his shit

Said that I deserve better and better he couldn't give

He said the life I was wanting he couldn't live

Told me give him a year and maybe he'd come back

Tired of living in my shadow no man likes that

Said I needed too much and he's living in shame

Living off his girl and off some hoop dreams

Tried to take the advice of dad and mom the same

Float to the top ahead of the game

Now the guy I love is leaving I guess that fine

They said if he couldn't do it he don't deserve my time



My man said...

This is the life you was born to live

Here is the gift you was born to give

Don't be scared to live to give to live

Real Talk with Sheltlew and DFitz

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One Last Shot

I was fiddling with some words at work last week and have finally completed a thought. Let me know what you think:

One last shot

Its about two in the morning and I am yawning
A perfect sign I need to take my behind...home
But Mr. Bartender man you of all people understand
that you can't leave the stand without one last shot
So what will it be, Jack, E&J, or Hennesey
I do believe I got about ten dollars left on me
Here you go, keep the change maybe I should do the same thing
...Change that is
No need to think about that unless you plan on giving me that 10 back
And since I rather ignore the facts Ima need my shot of Jack
A shot of Jack and Jack had a shot at me but Jack chose to leave
So I cuddle with the handle because I cannot handle nor believe
Jack left me alone...
So I'm thinking if you keep my change then how can I change
I'll just remain the same and be here day after day
Handing you my last ten again and again day out day in
Yawning looking at you like its two in the morning
Then I search through the pot and I ask for the shot
And you give it to me...
Mr. Bartender man that may be why I come to you almost every night
Thinking you giving me a shot of life, a great illusion that's not right
All I want is a shot to make things right maybe bring Jack back by my side
So I hand you the ten then say it three times again
To keep my change because I don't feel like changing
I just need a shot...
But this time its without Jack and I'm taking my change back
And now I understand that, you are giving me a shot I should lack
So Mr. Bartender man my shining star, I grab my change and head for my car
Had it confused with who you really are, the shot I need is not at this bar

-DFitz
Write is Right

Stank Stank

So are you looking for an update to the last entry? I bet you are, but you will not get one. The only update I can give you is it has become added stress. Nevertheless, the whole situation makes for good conversation. It may, however, have to go "unconversed" if that is a word. I share with my readers a lot about me, but that is not something I don't want to share right now. Check back in a couple months and I may have something for you. What we can converse about is this crazy Lisa Nowak and her diaper issue.


Now, when I first heard about this story, it had to be about 4:00 am on Wednesday (Feb. 7). One might ask what I was doing up that early in the morning. Good questions deserve good answers....So anyway it was about 4:00am and the news show I watch when I'm awake around that time was on. I was preparing for bed and they flashed this hideous mugshot of a once admired female astronaut that I had briefly followed. After hearing her name, Lisa Nowak, I stopped what I was doing and tuned in to the broadcast. The anchorman went on to tell about this 41 year old wife and mother of three driving over 900 miles from Huston to Florida to kidnap and kill a rival in a love triangle she was involved in.


My first reaction, "something is wrong with her", but then the story got better. The anchorman went on to say that she got to Florida, found her rival, Colleen Shipman, and tried to kidnap her. So now I'm thinking, "she crazy". But the story doesn't end there. They continued on that Nowak had been planning this and not only was she going to kidnap Shipman, but kill her as well. Then the kicker...the one part of this story that put in on my back laughing...on her drive from Huston to Florida, this love sick woman wore adult diapers so she would not have to stop to use the restroom.


Okay, I'm not sure if that sunk in with you, but I will repeat it so you can get the full effect. She wore diapers for over 900 miles to get to a woman that was rightfully involved with a guy she was seeing on the side. I don't want to dissect why she did it, or can love make you do crazy things, or even what would drive a person to want to kill in the name of love. I want to talk about this diaper she wore to make sure she got to where she was going in a timely manner.


This diapers represent one thing to me, she was serious about getting to Shipman. Sure she had gloves, BB gun, knife, plastic bags, and maps to Shipman's house, but she wore diapers. These diapers say that she was on a mission. Anytime someone would rather piss their self rather than stop at a gas station, or even stop on the side of the road, is a sure sign of intent. This would be all I need to convict her.


Lets think about that smell she probably had coming from her. Now, in her craziness, I'm sure she changed diapers, but come on "stank-stank". Can you imagine the smell she must have had coming from her body. If she didn't even want to stop to urinate, I know taking a shower was out of the question. If I shared a cell with her, I think I would have jokes for her everyday for her whole sentence. Everyday would be something new.


"Guard, I think its time to change Lisa's pamper..." "Did you mess your self again..?" "Yall smell that?" It really shows my maturity level if the only point that I get from this whole incident is that she wore adult diapers. It doesn't matter. Its good comedy. Really, I would prefer to laugh at such a situation because lately, I haven't done enough laughing, let alone smiling.


No, nothing is wrong with me. I've just been putting in overtime working on all my dreams and goals. I am just trying to make sure I make. I have a 900 miles to success and I really don't have time to stop and play. Guess I should buy some adult diapers so that I won't have to stop for bathroom breaks.

DFitz

Write is Right

Like there's this guy....

"Ok...like...there is this guy...and like...he's so cute...and like, I like him....like...a lot. He's like...everything I want...like...but...I don't...could it really be...like...true love for me? Like...I just don't know....!"

Ok, seriously, I share with you a lot of aspects of my life in hopes that you may relate and apply. I really just want you to know that we are all together in the struggle and that we all go through pain, happiness, joy, dissappointment, and...and love. So where am I now on my emotional roller coster, well, judging from the above comment, "Like...I met this guy...and like...he's so cute."

One thing I hate about getting into a relationship is that inital trial phase you have to go through to get to know one another. Love is a gamble to me. You have to bet you heart in order to play the game. And like any other gambling spectrum, you win or you loose. Boy, how I hate to loose. Yes, I met someone and yes he's cute, but that only mattered to me years ago. Sure I want him to be easy on the eye, but now its a lot more to consider before betting my heart on him.

I been doing my research on this young man. So far so.....alright. He has his faults and outside issues, but then again, who doesn't. I really like the way that he is a gentleman and adores me greatly. Really he reminds me of my father which is why this guy is getting so much of my attention. So, now what do I do?

I move easy. I proceed with caution. I make sure that every little step I take in this relationship is ordered by the Lord. But the main thing is I cannot be afraid of being dissappointed. This factor is what keeps a lot of us from being able to love someone. We are so scared of that broken heart feeling that we think it is wise to just stay away from love altogether. But how wise is that? What are the draw backs to not having someone of your own.

1. Lonely...I'm so lonely...I have nobody to call my own....
2. No stability, you are constantly allowing people to come in and out your life and that is not all the time healthy
3. It sucks to be that friend that don't have a mate. Everyone has someone but you...lol
4. Its always good to share your life with someone. Sometimes having that one person who understands your life and all that comes with it, and they still don't judge you....its a great thing.
5. God created us to find someone and be fruitful and mulitply.

So, back to me, what is DFitz going to do about this guy that obviously has a hold on her attention? Hummmmmmmmm good question. I will not be scared of any experience God has prepared for me. If this is just a seasonal relationship, thank you Lord. If this is my forever, than thank you Lord just the same. Love is a beautiful thing when you can appreciate the good and the bad about the emotion.

Continue to pray for me, and I'll keep you informed on whats good in my life......

DFitz
Write is Right

What Romo Don't Know....

Allow me to set the stage for this event. Its the National Football League Playoffs. On one side of the field there are strong confident men dressed in navy blue and white jerseys. Standing directly across the football field is a team who is worn and weary. A team who had been through so much the whole season, making it this far was a dream come true. As they watched the clock at 1:19 in their aqua green, white, and grey jerseys. Millions upon millions of people watched as breathing had no longer became an option. The fate was predetermined as both Dallas Cowboy fans and Seattle Seahawks fans considered the Cowboys the winner. The score was 21-20 favor the Seahawks and all that was needed to win this game for the Cowboys was a field goal kick. The opportunity had presented it self and Dallas was going for it.

The snap was released and the Dallas Golden Boy, Tony Romo, the quarterback, fumbled the snap. This meant he had to run the ball in for a touch down and he was denied. There is no question I am Seattle Seahawks fan. I am a die hard fan too. I love that team. I'd be a lie however if I didn't admit I too thought the game was lost.

I'm not sure how to say this, but, Mr. Romo if it weren't for your butter fingers, the Seahawks would probably be saying the goodbyes for the season. Yet, you gave us a chance. It was your inexperience at such a level that gave us the chance to excel and another shot at the super bowl. I hate to say this, but we won because of you. Pat your self on the back, if I could, I'd give you a hug. You are an awesome guy and will forever be remembered as "the guy that fumble the snap for the game winning score". I wonder how that feels to be that person.

It would be rude of me not to mention all the other great things Mr. Romo has done for the Cowboys. He stepped in and stepped up. However, after that play, non of that matters. Championships matter. And as for the Dallas Cowboys and Mr. Tony Romo, you go home empty handed.

I can't help but relate this situation to real life. How many times have you, the average person, been so close to winning and fumbled. I know how that feels and that is the worst feeling in the world. It's even worse when you have others depending on you and you drop the ball along with the hopes and aspirations of those around you. So, is there life after the fumble?

Of course there is life after a fumble. I live by this motto:

"My mistakes help me gain experience; My experience help me avoid mistakes."

So take what you know now and go forward. Use that experience as a chance to grow and become more. Prepare your self for that same moment (because the it will come back around), and when it comes be ready.

I can relate to how Mr. Romo is feeling. I am probably not making it any better by poking fun at the situation, but that poses a valid point. Though it may not be a laughing matter now, especially with people's jobs on the line, you got to be able to forgive your self for the the fumbles in life and laugh at it later.

I look back on the things I've done, the fumbles I have made and I laugh now. I laugh, but I know I would not make that mistake again.

My Seahawks won by the mistake of one man. Yet, at the end of the day, it does not matter how it was done, they won. This is another point. No matter how you made it, you made it. Many times people want to take from you because you got the promotion only because "Joe got fired" or "You are the boss's daughter". So, you got it, and now you move on.

The lesson learned here, thanks to Mr. Romo , is, "we all fall short of the glory of God". When you fumble get up and go on, and make sure it doesn't happen again. We also learn "The race is not always given to the swift, but rather to he who endures until the end". So if you win, you win. The circumstances around the win in null and void.

DFitz

Write is Right

Thank You.... You

The new year came trucking in full force and I must say I am so excited about what the future holds. For Write is Right Entertainment and Modern Age Media, it is the "The Year of the Grind". Its time to take flight and soar to the top. I do not believe anything (with the exception of death) can stop me right now. Yet I really cannot start this New Year without reflecting back on the old year.

In my years on this earth I have been through a lot. I have shook hands with the devil and high fived Jesus. I have slept in the gutter and made a bed on mountain tops. Ups and downs. The story of my life. Yet the most recent event that was meant to break me, actually is the the one event in my life that empowered me.

I fell in love with a good man. He was my sunshine, my drive to exist. He was my laugh, my smile, my heart, and soon he became my pulse. So one could only imagine the extent of pain I felt when my whole reason for being said he didn't want me anymore. When we were together, it was like I lived in an alternate universe. He made me happy. So when I received the news over the telephone that he did not want to be with me, my heart dropped to my feet. It was as if my life was sucked out of me. How was I to function without him?

I was kicked out the alternate universe and I sat alone and hurt in the real world. Days went by where I didn't eat, I didn't get out of bed. I tried my damnest to get him back and the only response I got was "You are crazy". Heart break is a bitch and I had to divorce her.

Slowly I recovered from my extreme heartbreak and I began to see the real world around me. Before I met this young man, I was on my way up. I wanted to take him with me, but somewhere down the line I lost focus. I put so much energy into keeping him happy, I lost track of what I was suppose to do for myself. He got more attention than God.

I moved away from from him and that whole environment and as soon as I got to my new state (physically and mentally) I saw a big clear picture of how my life was suppose to be. So what did I learn?

First of all, I am not bitter. I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity to experience true love because I had never had that chance. I am thankful he choose to break up with me because now I am prospering the way God wants me to. I have an unbelievable relationship with God that I wish I had a long time ago. I have a drive out of this world. And, AND I am happy with making me happy.

I have a testimony out of this world. That breakup happened at the end of 2006 enough time for me to get my self together for 2007. So the whole experience deserves a thank you. A very appreciative woman I am. I have grown so much that I have to pat my self on the back.

So as I enter into 2007, I am ready! I am ready for it all. This is the "Year of the Grind" and I am grinding. I'm sure Satan meant for that breakup to break me because he knows whats in store for me, but I'm still here. I am still going.

So to my folks, "Watch out for me". To my Write is Right Entertainment and Modern Age Media family, "Let's get it!" And to my last love, "Thank You...You"