I just celebrated a birthday, and if I'm like the average person, I took a minute to think about my life. I thought about where I was, who I am now, and who I am trying to be in the future. I started to think about what changed me into who I am now. When did I let go of the idea that I no longer had to prove anything to anyone? What happened in my life to make me bust a 180? Well, it must have been the day he said, "I wanna break up..."
He didn't yell it, nor say it in a nasty manner. It was really settle...like..."I wanna break up..." It came at a time in my life that I felt like I was losing everything I had. The decision to move to Charlotte, NC was quick. It literally happened in a week's time. My mom called and said...what you think about Charlotte? I said...never been...she said....well come with me...I said...ahh I'm not sure. I wasn't sure because the guy I had spent the last year and a half of my life with was still in college and wouldn't be able to come with me. We had made so many plans together and moving to Charlotte, NC was not one of them. Well, I told him about my mother's suggestion...he said "do what you think is best for you". At that time, love was what was best for me.
Unfortunately, may parents were still taking care of me (my dad bought me a house, they were still paying my cell phone bills, my car insurance, and putting money in my pockets...and for clarification...I had a job...but my parents like to make sure I had it all). The deal was if I stayed, I would get cut off. If I moved, they would set me up in Charlotte with a new life. Being without the best is not something I'm used to so without a second thought...I informed my guy I would be moving and that was that.
I didn't even get to say goodbye to everyone, but in a week...I left. I gave all my stuff away ...furniture, computers, some clothes and shoes, tv's...everything. I was to completely start over. I am very spiritual person and the whole process was a faith walk. I knew God wanted to do somethings in my life and it required my leaving behind a lot of things. I just didn't think it meant my guy too.
The day after I left...I spoke with him just to let him know how I was and to tell him about my trip to Charlotte, and he tells me "I wanna break up". Mind you we had our fair share of problems, nothing major. I wasn't expecting that. I had just moved to a new city, where no one knew me I had nothing. I though at least I could hold on to him. NOT REALLY. He didn't want me. I was shocked. I was hurt. And after my couple of weeks of heartbreak...I got myself together and made goals. I changed my self and begin working on defining who I was and what I wanted my identity to be. That whole situation gave me so much motivation...I have been full speed and non stop every since.
I hold nothing against him. It was never even about him. It was about me accepting change in its entirty. It was about me competly letting go of my past and baggage. It was about living life in the will of God. Life changed for me...of course. In a years time...I started a business...become a internet radio personality...I've grown closer to my family...and I am enjoying the single life.
I love who I am right now. Its still some things I have to work on (show me one perfect person walking this earth). However, I am good.
As we enter a new era with a African American president who's whole campaign was centered around Change and being bold enough to accept it and practice it, I feel ready. I encourage breaking free and changing everything. Remove your self from that comfort zone and just be a better person.
I am not who I use to be...I have truly changed.
-DFitz
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