Like I want to

If he stood in my face at this moment and no one else was around
And I had his full attention...our eyes locked and the rest of the world didn't matter
It being the perfect opportunity to convey what I constantly think about
Me to perform those lines I rehearse in the mirror, in the car, in the shower, when I'm alone
I think if he stood in my face at this moment...I'd say nothing!
To admit the slightest interest on my part for someone like him is admitting to a crime in my world
It would tarnish what I have so hard worked to become and at this point...
I stand here in the mist of my thoughts forced to make a decision
Be real with him, stay true to myself, or save my face...
Truth is he's my secret, the secret that I loved to keep
The secret that I had to work too hard to keep, I much rather let it go
He was never worth the risk of the security I have around me everyday
Nor worth the image I worked hard to paint of who I would like the world to see
I owe him the truth, but I owe me so much more...and the truth would say this
It would tell him that I actually do feel and felt for him
It would show that I thought about him outside the hour I spent with him every now and then
It would say how much I hate to see him and how it pains me to ignore him
It would say I wish this was a different world where it was okay for us to be together
It would say I actually gave a damn about him
But admitting that would be like admitting to a crime in my world
And because there is no proof of what I really felt for him...
I enforce my right to remain silent and just say...nothing when I see him
Speak and keep the show going...hoping that no one ever finds out
I am actually torn I can't love him like I want to...
-DFitz