I ended another night of arguing with "Just love me like I deserve!" That's something he never heard

I never said it before and it kept him from walking out the door and

Furthermore it made him think...

He didn't know what to say for I never approached him that way

Use to my passive ways better yet ways of pass

And at last he asked..."How should I love you?"

I told him I wanted a real kinda love

the kinda love that makes up you pick up the phone and dial the only eleven digits that reach me when you know I'm at work but my voicemail will do all because you want to hear my voice

I want the kinda of love that makes you sacrifice your last five dollars until payday which happens to be next Friday just because I said I want a number 4 at McDonald's

I want the kinda of love that makes you stand up for me around your mother when she says I'm too thin and you need a thicker lady because that means I can't cook and even though you know I can't cook, you tell her I boil rice well

I want the kinda of love that will have you trying to draw hearts around my name on the back of receipts when you waiting outside my apartment for me to come down so we can finally catch that thriller I've been itching to see

I want that kinda of love that has you bragging to your boys about how much of a blessing I been in your life and next month you just might pop the question

I want the kind of love that Jesus had for us when he carried the cross up the hill to be crucified so that we could have life and have it more abundantly

I want the kind of love that makes you forget that you are you because when you look in the mirror all you see is us

I want the kind of love that can't be reproduced but should be so that we can cook and bag it and sell it by the kilos so that maybe divorce rates would decline

I want the kind of love that makes it hard to breath when I'm not around because you think any air not baring the scent of my perfume is not clean air

I want the kind of love that has you writing how much you love me in braille because you think I can't see it so you are hoping I can feel it

I want the kind of love that you give when you think about all that we been through and we still together because its been times when you wanted to break me in two

I want the kind of love that proves how amazing God is because he took two lost souls and pared them so that they can find the true meaning of love together

I told him that I wanted that kind of love, because that is the kind of love I have for him

-DFitz

Write is Right

Speech!

I took the stage to give my "You was right, I was wrong" speech
And in the audience sat yet again my biggest fan...him
And he sat front row with the "I'm the only one that will ever care" grin on his face
In his eyes was that "Stop trying to replace me" glare
I cleared my throat to try to make room for my pride
And no matter how hard I tried, there was just no room for it right now
"Mic Check-" I uttered into the crowd...or him, "Can you hear me?"
He shouted back at me, "I'm the only one here, I hear you just fine!"
I heard him chuckle, anticipating the speech he knew verbatim, so I began
"I stand before yet another day to say, I was wrong you was right
And even though you warned me several times, an expert of his kind, I ignored you
You knew his intentions, and strong with your suspensions, you told me to leave it alone
I couldn't, I wouldn't , so eager to find that one to call my own
And now I stand on my stage of self doubt and try my best to make sense of this
Another one bits the dust yet again, another good for nothing hurtful man
I'm not sure how many times it will take, how many more men will be a mistake
But this one thing is true, the only consistency in my life has been you...
So this speech is dedicated to the one man who has made it his mission to keep me smiling
You in the audience, thank you...for everything
And I can only hope that there will not be a repeat of this speech again
Trial and error is how I come to live my life hating to let opportunities pass by
And that's what I thought it was, I didn't listen to you because, I thought I was right
And as I conclude my speech, again I say thank you for being there for me
I love you..."
And he stood to his feet, not upset in the least, just excited I've come back by his side
I left the stage, to run into his open arms, how long I'll stay...that's hard to decide
-DFitz

I;m Happy
Let me wipe my brow as I take a bow, proud that for one sec in my life I am happy
The smile that I woke up with this morning has not left my face and my dimples are filled with joy
And for no apparent reason, just grateful to be alive, I have achieve that perfect peace
My walk is of confidence and I complete each step with grace not considering tomorrow may be different
And I know that this type of day is God's little way of rewarding me for my endurance
Not to mention yesterday, but the fog around my life was so thick it began choking my existence
Today is different...
Today I am happy, today I smile, and even though yesterdays trails are still at my waist, I accept this reward
I wear my smile proudly and I try my best to rub off on others what has been rubbed off on me
Its an amazing feeling that only one who has shared my shoes can understand
Its a lot of size sevens in this world, so I proclaim that we share this experience so that it may encourage others
My life is far from perfect, however, today...I think I tasted God's good grace, sprinkled with perfection, with a side of appreciation
I am full of the spirit of the Holy Ghost!
And as I wipe my brow, I gladly take my bow, proud that for one sec in my life I am happy!

His Response to...Pity Party

HIS RESPONSE
Expectations are not negotiations, and neither placed with all affiliations, but a bar set. Set for his queen, in his mind she is fit and so clean, feelings just right for his queen. His response was of excitement that night when it was lightning, not because of the storm, but how he weathered the storm for someone he felt was other than norm! Destination unknown, but questions of how long before I hear her tone, his response….I must hold on. Waiting...waiting for his queen to come thru, but yet there was no light for his darkness and on a day when he was sure to shine. His response, I was sure this was divine and I knew she was mine, but how could this happen, not this time, how far must I climb? Should I go so far as to be out of reach, so high that I can’t even hear her speak! Right now his queen looked so weak, when his response was only to help her reach her peak! Challenges of empty promises left unfilled, unfilled by the breath that breathed the words of his name forgotten tomorrow, when today the thought of him takes your breath away. Actions and words heard so simple but she wants to one day get to the lasting temple. Mentions of balloons withering in the wind with feelings tangled in the strings, strings attached so deep that it snags your fight and pulls your soul, how tight can she hold on? Hold to what was once her dream, her dream of finding true love, snatched from her as if awakening from a nightmare, as she looks about for answer not know the balloons that I personally filled of worthless queens, queens with no fight, no efforts to match his might, names of many he can recite, meaningful is she. Her sleeves stained with the moister of true feelings removed and tucked under lock and key.
His search was for the true her. The her, to which she began to display efforts not with held but displayed momentarily, but was swept away by the wind that carried the balloons the winds that came with the storm that produced the lightning, rain that dampened her sleeves with moister of true emotion! These are the word of His response…………………………………By K

I have special powers, and every time I say that I hear a slight chuckle from an unbeliever
I have special powers, I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true
Science fiction would have you to think that special powers includes
Me being able to read your mind, or me being able to create fire balls
Perhaps me being able to see through or run through walls
I can't do any of that, but I can change your whole attitude as your eyes scan past each word I've written
When I pour all of me to a white canvas and display all my flaws I can comfort you without a physical connection
I can kiss your soul with a very descriptive adjective and I can rattle your nerves with a provoking statement
I have special powers!
I made him cry with a sentence from my last poem, it hurt to the point of tears
And I never touched him, a special power
I gave her a letter I wrote five years ago and it empowered her get up get out and do something
My mind and my words change lives, a special power
And everyday God reminds me now to not abuse this power for at any second it can be taken away
I challenged God eight years ago and wrote a poem he told me to never write
She killed her self after reading the best poem a eleventh grader could put together
Art I declared, but it was the knife in her heart
And while I found it hilarious and cool to make others laugh
She ran home and ingested 10 pills from her mothers medicine cabinet
The news made it back to me everything I thought I knew about my gift was confirmed
Special powers to provoke life and death
But God blocked it all, he took away my special powers for two years
I suffered night after night unable to write at all
I was powerless, I hated living, I was .... normal
It was at the end of my second year after being unable to create any work of art
I demanded God's presence in my life and I struck the deal of a lifetime
You give me back my powers and I'll use them in your name
We shook on it and every since that day, I have held my end of the bargain
So I have special powers whether you believe or not.
And if it is still funny to you, allow me to show you what I can do in the name of Jesus

I bought balloons and cake for the pity party I threw for myself yesterday
Of the many men I ran over and through, the one I tried to be right for feels played
I allowed him to meet the real me, something I rarely do and he turns his back
Extremely hurt I am not, slightly disappointed my be an accurate description
Even though I can assure you that tomorrow I'll forget his name, today I feel...bad
So this is the emotion I am facing right now in this very moment and its killing me
This is the same feeling I run from and blinded by an anticipated future, I was unable to see this coming
I thought this was real...
I didn't send out any invites to my pity party because it is a private affair
The helium filled balloon gravitated to the top of my ceiling and I had an idea
Perhaps I should tie all my real feelings to each string and release the balloon into the atmosphere
In the middle of this process the Holy Spirit spoke to me and I paused
He whispered to my tattered heart, don't stop feeling...or else you won't feel me
So I gathered my feelings, even the ones that were injured in this whole experience and...
I put them away..
No longer located on my sleeve, my feelings and emotions lie hidden and there they shall stay
That is until I find he that is receptive to all I am and all I have to give
Until that time, I will continue doing what was working, which was masking the true me
And doing all that is necessary to avoid getting hurt...
-DFitz

I fucked up

I fucked up, excuse my french but I fucked up

And I am constantly wondering why I can't luck up

I get sucked into the daily dramas trying to avoid being a mama

But here I am looking down like what do I do now

But the answers not on the ground its on this round

Pink dot that lay on the test and now I'm thinking what next

What do I expect from a night of unprotected sex

I'm a statistic and now they will point and laugh

They will laugh at the big belly I have

Or have not, the test might be wrong..right

Did he really nut in me that night, but the sex was out of site

Had my mind gone as we grinded all night long

On and on, his moans my groans, its known

That he is married to this white chick Carrie

Who has carried three of his five kids

So thats what it is, I live in the fizz

A painful carbonation or life's hesitation

To serve me with relations just face 'em

But I face shit and the shit I face is the shit I taste

Which becomes the shit I try to erase so it may be misplaced

Yet there is a track of shit that continues to follow me

And now this shit is obviously showing the flaws of me

Because there is a pink dot or is it blue

Is this test new or is it through

And I hold in my hand the test of life

The test which I know is 99% right

It proof of the life I have lived and now the life I must give

A life full of secrects and fibs, for a life of bottles and bibs

To me this is all scary, I tell him, he tells Carrie

Carrie will stay married for he's done it two other times with Mary

And Mary and I are only his sex substitutions, welcome to my life of confusion

Now I work on this illusion and bring about some defusion

The pink dot does not deserve a life so corrupt

Damn, I fucked up, I fucked up

-DFitz

Write is Right

I thought about you today, but then I thought about me

I thought about them, then I thought about we

How we use to hang, how we use to be

How I use smile everytime I would hear you sing

How we use to fight and make up in the end

How you were my only and my one true friend

The way you use cook for me can never for get that

Out in the streets we had each other's back

I was your Frick you were my Frack

You was the coke with my bottle of Jack

I'd give a lung to bring you back

I gave my heart as a matter of fact

But I take it all in stride, the hurt I try to hide

Cause everytime I think about it apart of me dies

You could've told me, could've should've but decline

Can't take back what left with the time

But I must admit in the back of mind

Still wishing that you was mine....

And with the days passing by it get a little easier

Niggas compliment me it get a little easier

I don't see your face, it gets a little easier

But the chick that got your mind, got me wishing I was her

You will always be the one that got the best of me

But I guess it will be one to get the rest of me

And hopefully I can make the rest of a bit of more appealing

They will appreciate the real me...

Never mind that, just wanna let you know

It was never my choice to ever let you go

But now its my choice to let you go

I love you but I love me more...

-DFitz

I try to write as if its not me but my internal desires and my eternal fires seem to poke through and show themselves
I fiend for attention and all I do to get it is retreat into my own thoughts and hope someone sees me
Backwards is my front and the only way I can read any of your thoughts is through the mirrors reflections
I gather that if I could ever be normal then i would be that of famous so I'm told
But spot light shows flaws and I don't have enough make up to hide them all so I sit in my room...under a lamp
Enough light for those around me to see that I'm more than they but its not for all to know
We use to be in love and then he said he'd had enough of my weirdness so he took his bag and left
He said that he was going to find normal because I was too outside the box for him...he's lonely in my world
He told me that playing in the play grounds of my mind was too much of a hassle and he needed something easy
I simple replied that his place was never in my mind, but in my heart and I'm sorry if he got lost in my thoughts...I do it too sometimes
It never made him stay rather easier to go and I was back to the feeling I am so use to, that of being alone
The well of tears that use to pour through when I tried convincing my self to be like everyone else has dried
The only thing that makes my eyes water is the end of Hope Floats because I'm reminded that my life is fine just the way it is
What is suppose to happen to me has and what is to happen will come
And so what if I like peanut butter and ketchup sandwiches, it taste great
So I like sniffing new purses, the smell of fresh leather is amazing
I challenge you to be you and not conform to what society says that you should be
I became more than what I was labeled and took the title of CEO and have been full stride ever since
But I regret to inform you that I only travel as far as the rays from the lamp in my room
Only those close to me see my potential and comfort comes when I sniff leather while eating a peanut butter and ketchup sandwich
And one day when I am perfect, I will get out of the peanut butter and ketchup to the speed of my thoughts
I will acknowledge the reason i have so many strips on my back is from the same leather of pain I love to smell
It reminds me to be strong and to never let life beat me down
One day I will find he that enjoys the playground of my mind and doesn't feel alone rather at home in my thoughts
I accept that I am different have you?

Marry Me

My only prayer was that he see how much I loved him
The only tears that ever escaped his eyes was that of loneliness, pain, and fear
I tasted all three
I held his hand through those times when the only way he'd look at his reflection with through the glare in my eyes
I kissed his heart when she tried her best to crush it, I mended it back together with my prayers
And it was me who used my love as ointment to ease the pain of rejection, I never left his side
And then he calls me last week with the excitement in his voice she wants him back
And this time...Its for good! Married he says, they are to be wed and he'd like me at the court house
Three tears escaped my eyes and I tasted those too
With my heart on the floor, I dressed yesterday to again support his happiness
I stopped at BP to gas my trip to pure heart ache and disappointment
And then I arrived at my doom's day, the day I watch the love of my life marry his very destruction
So I walk through the doors every step harder and harder to take
I look for the signs to direct me to my internal hell and it is on the second floor
I proceed into the elevator shacking and nervous, not even sure why I came
The doors open to his smiling face, him dressed in the finest tux he could afford
He looked great and I smiled too to show my support
My lip trembled as he grabbed my hand excited, "This is it!"
If I had of spoke, I would've cried so all I did was smile harder
We walked through the large oak doors and there stood...his brother...his parents
My sisters, my parents and a judge...
He turned to me on one knee and said..."Marry Me!"