Random Rant

Glued to the Stage

Glued to the Stage
Performing is Not Everything

The music industry has evolved to a level that would leave generations past standing in a complete shock. The avenues in which an artist can take to market their talents has become endless and most importantly creative. So creative that we can now find out about artist thousands of miles away without "Chuck" on the street sliding us their tape. We now live in a musical era where email blast have replaced "Chuck" and mp3 cards have replaced "tapes" as well as CDs. Nevertheless, though a new dawn has come upon us, there are still those stuck in the dark ages and unaware of the real effort it takes to be a successful artist.
Today, the music industry has done a great job masking the true effort and grind it takes to market an album. As an outsider looking in, it seems the only way to get people hearing your music is to do concerts and shows. This plays a major role, however, its not the only way to get your music in the crowds system. Many unsigned acts today will ignore the avenues in which they can take to gain exposure and elect to spend hundreds upon hundreds of dollars to perform in concerts, showcases, and local shows that give no real opportunity of advancing their careers outside their zip code.
A true musician comprehends that it takes studying their craft in order to truly understand it. However, more and more artist flock to the music industry thirsty for Jay-Z fame not understanding what it really takes to be on top. One of the things that need to be understood and taken into strong consideration is performance accounts for twenty percent of marketing. The other eighty percent is production, distribution, media (magazines, radio, internet, television), and image. It is only when these aspects of the artist musical career are tightly covered that performances will actually be effective.
It will definitely take doing homework to find which avenue of creativity to take when marketing an artist's sound but here are a few websites that can assist in the advancement of careers:

Marketing Material: For all your graphic needs including websites, Myspace pages, CD inserts, and Electronic press kits visit Modern Age Media, LLC. This company was founded on the concept of advancing the careers of quality entertainers. Their main focus is centered around graphics and web development, however, they have daughter companies that also provide media outlets that give platforms for artist/musicians. Visit www.Yesmam.net.
Distribution: CDBaby is a great online distribution site, however another great affordable site is Noisy Planet. Noisy Planet is a fairly new online distribution company based out of Reno,Nevada. Go to www.noisyplanet.net. They work with unsigned artist and fresh talent.
Media Outlets: For media outlets try getting on the easiest platforms such as podcast, online magazines, local newspapers, blogs, forums, local access channels, internet radio stations, youtube, etc. One podcast that is really making waves is "Real Talk with Sheltlew and DFitz". It is a new episode every Monday. Though comedy based, this hilarious pair speak about social issues and also conduct phone interviews with artist and play snippets of their music throughout the show. Visit www.realtalkin.com
Image: An artist image is very important. It is their way of speaking without saying anything. The image needs to be established from the beginning of the career. It is proven that your image will determine your fan base. There are many fashion experts and image consultants that are avalible to assist you with creating an image. One of the top websites to find an image consultant is www.aici.org.

Performing is an important part of getting your music heard, however, there are other aspects in insuring your musical career is a successful one. Once an artist makes sure all their ducks are in one row, their efforts to advancing their careers increase.

For information: http://www.yesmam.net/ or
Contact: mailto:info@yesmam.net
Phone: 704-277-2322
DJ Fitzpatrick
www.idomuzic2.com coming 1/5/2009

Change

I like to consider myself a pretty reserved person...now. We all share the same story that once upon a time we use to have a rocky past and it really didn't take much to make "us"/me explode. Unlike most that say that, I really have war stories as well as war wounds to prove the battle I endured against life and myself. I really can't do anything but smile when I look at my life right now and though this may sound corny, I pat myself on the back every time I am able to "just let it go".
I just celebrated a birthday, and if I'm like the average person, I took a minute to think about my life. I thought about where I was, who I am now, and who I am trying to be in the future. I started to think about what changed me into who I am now. When did I let go of the idea that I no longer had to prove anything to anyone? What happened in my life to make me bust a 180? Well, it must have been the day he said, "I wanna break up..."
He didn't yell it, nor say it in a nasty manner. It was really settle...like..."I wanna break up..." It came at a time in my life that I felt like I was losing everything I had. The decision to move to Charlotte, NC was quick. It literally happened in a week's time. My mom called and said...what you think about Charlotte? I said...never been...she said....well come with me...I said...ahh I'm not sure. I wasn't sure because the guy I had spent the last year and a half of my life with was still in college and wouldn't be able to come with me. We had made so many plans together and moving to Charlotte, NC was not one of them. Well, I told him about my mother's suggestion...he said "do what you think is best for you". At that time, love was what was best for me.
Unfortunately, may parents were still taking care of me (my dad bought me a house, they were still paying my cell phone bills, my car insurance, and putting money in my pockets...and for clarification...I had a job...but my parents like to make sure I had it all). The deal was if I stayed, I would get cut off. If I moved, they would set me up in Charlotte with a new life. Being without the best is not something I'm used to so without a second thought...I informed my guy I would be moving and that was that.
I didn't even get to say goodbye to everyone, but in a week...I left. I gave all my stuff away ...furniture, computers, some clothes and shoes, tv's...everything. I was to completely start over. I am very spiritual person and the whole process was a faith walk. I knew God wanted to do somethings in my life and it required my leaving behind a lot of things. I just didn't think it meant my guy too.
The day after I left...I spoke with him just to let him know how I was and to tell him about my trip to Charlotte, and he tells me "I wanna break up". Mind you we had our fair share of problems, nothing major. I wasn't expecting that. I had just moved to a new city, where no one knew me I had nothing. I though at least I could hold on to him. NOT REALLY. He didn't want me. I was shocked. I was hurt. And after my couple of weeks of heartbreak...I got myself together and made goals. I changed my self and begin working on defining who I was and what I wanted my identity to be. That whole situation gave me so much motivation...I have been full speed and non stop every since.
I hold nothing against him. It was never even about him. It was about me accepting change in its entirty. It was about me competly letting go of my past and baggage. It was about living life in the will of God. Life changed for me...of course. In a years time...I started a business...become a internet radio personality...I've grown closer to my family...and I am enjoying the single life.
I love who I am right now. Its still some things I have to work on (show me one perfect person walking this earth). However, I am good.
As we enter a new era with a African American president who's whole campaign was centered around Change and being bold enough to accept it and practice it, I feel ready. I encourage breaking free and changing everything. Remove your self from that comfort zone and just be a better person.
I am not who I use to be...I have truly changed.
-DFitz

Just to make it

Its easy to loose your self in the mist of your dreams
Conforming to the person that society says you should be
And I have noticed that DFitz with the model walk turns heads
Long curly locks and a nice pair of pumps very sexy legs
Tight fitting clothes, make up, shinny lip gloss, and foundation
Made up is how I would describe my situation
Masked is the real me and hidden are my real dreams
Forced to be a fantasy instead of someone's destiny
Surrounded in a life of lies and deceit
Compromising salvation for a little bit of money
Bandaging wounds, exposing my true innocence
The real me I keep hidden and deny her existence
Never admitting I hurt, or that I even can feel
Or admitting that there is someone I care about for real
Hiding the fact that I work hard to be me
Or her or whatever society expects me to be
I've created the shell that was meant to protect all I am
But all its doing is confusing me so what now?
While trying hard to create DFitz, I lost sensation in my life
My emotions are callous, my tears dried up, I can't determine what is right
My conviction gone, my heart is just ... replaced
Or erased, perhaps misplaced behind a wall with no grace
Bitter feelings pump through my veins and no one is trusted
I only shake hands when the right pair of gloves fit
But I smile and play my role I lost DJuana in the mist
Of becoming unreal... just to make it!

Like I want to

If he stood in my face at this moment and no one else was around
And I had his full attention...our eyes locked and the rest of the world didn't matter
It being the perfect opportunity to convey what I constantly think about
Me to perform those lines I rehearse in the mirror, in the car, in the shower, when I'm alone
I think if he stood in my face at this moment...I'd say nothing!
To admit the slightest interest on my part for someone like him is admitting to a crime in my world
It would tarnish what I have so hard worked to become and at this point...
I stand here in the mist of my thoughts forced to make a decision
Be real with him, stay true to myself, or save my face...
Truth is he's my secret, the secret that I loved to keep
The secret that I had to work too hard to keep, I much rather let it go
He was never worth the risk of the security I have around me everyday
Nor worth the image I worked hard to paint of who I would like the world to see
I owe him the truth, but I owe me so much more...and the truth would say this
It would tell him that I actually do feel and felt for him
It would show that I thought about him outside the hour I spent with him every now and then
It would say how much I hate to see him and how it pains me to ignore him
It would say I wish this was a different world where it was okay for us to be together
It would say I actually gave a damn about him
But admitting that would be like admitting to a crime in my world
And because there is no proof of what I really felt for him...
I enforce my right to remain silent and just say...nothing when I see him
Speak and keep the show going...hoping that no one ever finds out
I am actually torn I can't love him like I want to...
-DFitz

Generation Y I am considered a member of the millennium Y generation. The generation of technology and super genius babies. The generations of accountability and a dire need of acceptance. I am Y. I learned this after a conversation with my mother. Sheltlew (co host of Real Talk) and I sat on her couch one evening, enjoying a HBO flick with our laptops on our laps. I checked my myspace as he read through his facebook postings. She let out a laugh and went on to explain a study she read about "our kind". We like things fast and efficient without having to do much. We want things done, but we want them perfect. She said we find enjoyment in whatever the Internet has to offer as oppose to the baby boomer generation that prefers life slow. An in depth conversation for my generation happens over a text message, while her generation...face to face. Why was this important to know? She said that in her field (management and development) it was important to understand generation Y, and understand why we do some of the things we do. We can't be managed like baby boomers. We have to feel needed and understand why and how everything works. She also included that if the desire to feel needed is not met, we quickly remove ourselves from that situation or place of employment to find someone who needs us. Surprised by the analysis, I couldn't do anything but agree with her. Often I find myself searching to feel needed somewhere. I like to take normally drawn out task and make them simple. I figured that it was just me. Yet after reading the article for myself, I find that I was born into a culture that promotes my way of thinking. After hearing that, a light turned on in the tiny room I thought I shared alone and noticed so many other twenty some thing's. If I come from this generation, I wonder how the next generation will be. We like fast and faster in my generation. Perhaps the next generation will pump the breaks on the speed life and encourage enjoying every moment and not rush time. -DFitz Write is Right

Last week I spent close to four hundred dollars on clothes alone. Hummmmmm, why did I do that? Its something about looking the best I'm addicted to. I have items in my closet that still have tags on them. I have items I have only worn one time for one hour and haven't touched it since. I'm trying to wonder why I insist on spending hundreds of dollars on dresses and shoes as well as blouses and hand bags. Its a therapy for me to shop, or is it. I use to have a drinking problem. Plainly put, I'd drink everyday to make some of the pains in my life go away. And when I finally faced that I was becoming or better yet, had became an alcoholic, I prayed to God to take the desire for Jack Daniels away. And He answered my prayers. However, now, instead of drinking I shop. And if you follow my next few sentences, you will be able to understand why. Simply put, I switched addictions. I shop to cover a past full of disappointment and pain. I shop to make myself feel better about the trails and tribulations I endure daily. I shop because I like the hateful looks females give me when I walk in the room with my nose to the sky because it lets me know I have them fooled. And I also shop because thats what me and my mom do well! I use to spend the same money I spend on my clothes at the ABC store in Montgomery, AL. While I am currently in no rush to change my current addiction, I do admit I have a problem. However, since I want to buy more when I shop, I work hard to make the money to support my addiction. Which means I work eight hours in a hell hole and I work another eight hours for Modern Age Media. All so at the end of the week I can spend another four hundred dollars on some more clothes. True enough I need to face my issues, but right now, I am where I want to be and giving up shopping is not what I want to do right now. -DFitz Write is Right

Gas Prices

4convosakes

So I have this website that goes deeper into my thoughts as a young black woman. Its www.4convosakes.com. I do written, audio, and live& recorded video rants. Be sure to check it out. And for those that would prefer to keep coming to the blog, I'll post the audio episodes here. Just to do some catching up
DFitz - Because He's Light Skin.mp3

DFitz - Ashanti Forced to Sing.mp3

DFitz - Michael Baisden says dont tithe.mp3

DFitz Video Diary

HAnd of Hearts

I wipe the obvious from the face of my heart
I love him but there no room to start
A love affair he's the one I love and care for
The only one I love and adore, but furthermore
The unspokeness is drowning out the noise
And the noise is taking away from my poise
I tried real hard to deny the truth you did too
But when I saw you play the ace of heart I followed suit
Put my king down and you won that book
We leave the table holding hands the opponents shook
I say I'll never leave your side even though you reneged
I gotta hand full of hearts to give...
You call me ya girlfriend only when you feeling my body
And when we hit the spot light then I turn to nobody
I ain't trying to call you out but you hearing me screaming
A perfect life with you I could only be dreaming
And I tried many times to be more than just friends
Deny my love while you holding my hand
Eye to eye, you keeping me in the life of pretend
But I need you kinda like I need my pen
You are my sanity yet you drive me crazy
You make things clear even though we are hazy
Did me wrong a couple times and yet I stayed true
Turn your face when I made a request from you...
I keep my mind on this money and intangle you with my grind
And since I can't have your heart I'll capture your mind
So that I can erase the thought of you ever leaving
Change what this life has you believing
Because if another time comes and you renege
I'ma find another partner who has more to give
And knows how to play and wont treat me that way
Someone who gives a damn about me everyday
I just want to be happy and my happiness is you
So to you I will do, plot my course make my move
And if you decide that maybe you need me in your life
Then the heart i have left will survive and my hope for love is revived

I'm fooling myself

Its a museum my life, that life of mine

That life I find, so fake and unkind

I sit and rewind to find the place and time

When it corrupt my mind, when it shattered my spine

A dime, I try to be, its my mentality

My originality was suppose to serve as my reality

But my reality is really my fantasies

Everyday in the cool breeze you on top of me

You see, there I go again he is just my friend

Never neglects to defend the situation he's in

The competition is a trend, been happening since when

Since when, I first saw his face, I first shared his space

Now we walk at a pace, a bond that can't be erased

We try to hide it in case, someone tries to deface

Misplace, this whole situation and my infatuation

Is within every statement, his revelations

Of my emancipation and proclamations

Notations, in the back of my write but before my might

My reasons for my right, you are who I like

And maybe we just might...maybe we just might

Psych!, there I go again trying to pretend

That I can come in and take another's man

He is only my friend, recite that again

He is only my friend, he is only my stand

Gotta comprehend, he is not for me, not equipped for D

For he is to be a great human being

And me seeing that I am only for feeling

Its killing, better yet I'm revived the light in my life

Wants another as his wife so I deal with that strife

Quit operating on might, push on and fight

Right? So I lay in the arms of another, wishing for the other

Coveting trouble, realizing my struggle

Pep talks in the huddle, but late nights in the cuddle

Enjoying each other while my heart flutters

I utter, I'm only fooling my self, he wants someone else

And I'll be put on the shelf, and then pushed to the left

I'll be angry with self, should've went for the theft

I'm fooling myself!

I'm fooling myself!

I'm ruling myself!

Confusing myself!

For someone else.....

-DFitz

Write is Right

Untold Story

If you haven't been through anything then this is not for you

Not to say get measuring tape to match what I been through

We all got our struggles but mine kinda got to me

Left me with one leg to stand on but I'm still hopping

I'm still moving regardless of my heartachs

And I'm not stopping because I made a couple mistakes

My main battle is within me so I fight my self

I do this so I won't fight anybody else

The pain that I feel and that tears i have cried

Had the same orgin it all came from the inside

So I'm not going to take it out on nobody

I'd rather battle demons inside my body

Everyone think they can understand DFitz

But they can't see DFitz really need an exorcist

Maybe not that, but just something close

Lay hands on my body and pray for my soul

I seen it all before age five so I begin life fast

Sex, drugs, alcohol, and running that cash

I've seen them sniffing lines, I got a taste my self

Kept it under the bed, then moved it to the shelf

Top shelf where the hennesy and remy sat

Out in the open drunk as hell laid out on my lap

The parties, the people, the pain, the trouble

Seeing my parents careless, it was all a struggle

The smoke, the break-up, the police, the guards

It kinda broke me up but never tore me apart

Its proof that I'm hard, hell I had to be

Thinking I was to blame for the problems in my family

Daddy leaving me, said it was because of work

It could've been true but then the truth hurts

Mommy always gone, thought she didn't like me

Because when she was around she was constanly yelling

Later I come to find out she was battling demons too

Yet her sorry never healed the pain I had to go through

So as I grew up, living life was a hard task

Because I was use to the sex, alcohol, and cash

Now my folks talking about loving Jesus Christ

Well, where was He for the first part of my life

I went to church but my mind went in the gutter

Sat through the sermons in one ear out the other

Played the role like I was just so happy

Yet everyday took a small piece from me

Became an outcast quit hanging with chicks

Because I hated what being a female represents

So I quit bonding with girls made friends with the guys

Which only made things worse in my life

Because through my teen years boys are trying to cut

And because of distachment I was scared to touch

So I just shook hands and threw high fives

Then I started keeping everyone out of my life

I always fought, at the crack of a whip

If someone looked at me wrong I went and handled it

And the only thing that kept me from being expelled

Was track but I was still running right to hell

College was no better life for me only got worse

I started to think my life was the result of a curse

Wasn't ready but he was so he took my shit

And since that day I just been giving it

I would rather give it than have it taken away

But now sex is just a physical thing, which is hard to say

And I went from worse to awful in relationships

Cause the man I loved used to bust my lips

He use to bruise my back, leave marks on my face

I left him alone when the blood got too much to taste

Life was at a stand still for me I could not move

Every guy I tried to love left me feeling misused

No matter how hard I tried I just could not breath

Finally I just gave up but God never gave up on me

I moved away from it all, ran from my situations

All the demons I was running from though I faced them

My days are better now, I'm starting to shine

Now I'm a gold bar when I was a dime

The life I know I wanted to go untold

But I share it to make sure I know

DFitz is going to make it, broken glass can be fixed

So now God is working on me and I'm not going to resist

Sometimes I find myself confused. I want so much to be a great person and it just seems I can't. I never ask for money or gifts, but smiles. Funny, I fiend for smiles. I need the smile of another person to be happy because I can't seem to find a smile within my self that can suffice. Ironically, I'm known for my smile. I'm noted for my dimples. But if you could only see me for who I am perhaps you could understand my hunger for acceptance. I am damned with a creative soul. I march to a different drum and sing to a different tune. I called weird and abnormal. I'm laughed at and questioned. And bottom line, I always misunderstood. How great would it be to just find an equal, someone who can understand my complex thinking. But I think that would be asking too much. Sometimes I feel there is a darkness that surrounds my paths and there are demons that dance around my destiny. Today was one of the most trying days in my life and as I type I struggle to fight back the army of tears itching to be released. I'm tired of investing time into situations only to be left "in the hole". I put in time only to be disappointed. I'm tired of being taken advantage of. I'm tired of wanting so badly to fit in somewhere with somebody. I just want to be happy with me. And that's what I been trying to do, but the more time I spend alone, the more destructive I become. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I just gotta write. I just gotta get this out of me. I just got to learn I don't have to go out my way to help anyone that wont do the same for me. I have to learn how to respect me enough to demand respect from others. Basically, I just have to remember I never had a place amongst the normals. I have to quit trying so hard to fit in when I was born to stand out. I have to be the woman God created me to be. And He never created me to be a doormat. I feel better, not the best, but better than I felt when I first started typing this. I got to love me...

I asked him how long will it take for him to trust me
I told him that I was becoming weak and the bruces on my knuckles were starting to bleed
It was starting to hurt trying to bang down the wall around his heart
He told me that I knew what I signed up for and if I wanted to quit, it wouldn't hurt him at all
So not only did I have bleeding knuckles, but I could feel my devotion tear into pieces
For so long I stood in front of his life undressed, nude so he could see I wasn't hiding anything
Anything he asked I answered, any requested I filled it, all for him
I declared that I loved him and left myself open, anything could have killed me
But it was a chance that I took, I just wanted him to see that if no one wanted his love...I did
He didn't know that I sold my pride for three years worth of strength
He wasn't aware that I traded my happiness for more time with him
No, I never told him, he didn't know about the other men that had seen me open and offered their hands to me
And he wasn't aware of all that I had lost just to break through to him
Other girls threw rocks at me, calling me stupid and dumb
They said he wasn't worth it, and at this time, I was starting to believe it
So I said to him, weary from being worn down by time
If I can't come into your life right now, I'm leaving!
And from behind the wall around his heart I could see him waving goodbye
The pain was just too much for me to handle, I was just too hurt
I thought to myself, what kind of person could be okay with not feeling
What kind of man wouldn't want the love of a real woman?
I just knew that I couldn't feel this way ever again...
So brick by brick I built the same wall around my heart that he had
Held together by dissspointment and tears, it stands strong now
And I am away from all those who have hurt me and those who will ever try
And from time to time I peek out and see a gentleman banging on my wall
I give him that hardy good luck and retreat back behind my comfort zone
Its safe here...safe and lonely...

I ended another night of arguing with "Just love me like I deserve!" That's something he never heard

I never said it before and it kept him from walking out the door and

Furthermore it made him think...

He didn't know what to say for I never approached him that way

Use to my passive ways better yet ways of pass

And at last he asked..."How should I love you?"

I told him I wanted a real kinda love

the kinda love that makes up you pick up the phone and dial the only eleven digits that reach me when you know I'm at work but my voicemail will do all because you want to hear my voice

I want the kinda of love that makes you sacrifice your last five dollars until payday which happens to be next Friday just because I said I want a number 4 at McDonald's

I want the kinda of love that makes you stand up for me around your mother when she says I'm too thin and you need a thicker lady because that means I can't cook and even though you know I can't cook, you tell her I boil rice well

I want the kinda of love that will have you trying to draw hearts around my name on the back of receipts when you waiting outside my apartment for me to come down so we can finally catch that thriller I've been itching to see

I want that kinda of love that has you bragging to your boys about how much of a blessing I been in your life and next month you just might pop the question

I want the kind of love that Jesus had for us when he carried the cross up the hill to be crucified so that we could have life and have it more abundantly

I want the kind of love that makes you forget that you are you because when you look in the mirror all you see is us

I want the kind of love that can't be reproduced but should be so that we can cook and bag it and sell it by the kilos so that maybe divorce rates would decline

I want the kind of love that makes it hard to breath when I'm not around because you think any air not baring the scent of my perfume is not clean air

I want the kind of love that has you writing how much you love me in braille because you think I can't see it so you are hoping I can feel it

I want the kind of love that you give when you think about all that we been through and we still together because its been times when you wanted to break me in two

I want the kind of love that proves how amazing God is because he took two lost souls and pared them so that they can find the true meaning of love together

I told him that I wanted that kind of love, because that is the kind of love I have for him

-DFitz

Write is Right

Speech!

I took the stage to give my "You was right, I was wrong" speech
And in the audience sat yet again my biggest fan...him
And he sat front row with the "I'm the only one that will ever care" grin on his face
In his eyes was that "Stop trying to replace me" glare
I cleared my throat to try to make room for my pride
And no matter how hard I tried, there was just no room for it right now
"Mic Check-" I uttered into the crowd...or him, "Can you hear me?"
He shouted back at me, "I'm the only one here, I hear you just fine!"
I heard him chuckle, anticipating the speech he knew verbatim, so I began
"I stand before yet another day to say, I was wrong you was right
And even though you warned me several times, an expert of his kind, I ignored you
You knew his intentions, and strong with your suspensions, you told me to leave it alone
I couldn't, I wouldn't , so eager to find that one to call my own
And now I stand on my stage of self doubt and try my best to make sense of this
Another one bits the dust yet again, another good for nothing hurtful man
I'm not sure how many times it will take, how many more men will be a mistake
But this one thing is true, the only consistency in my life has been you...
So this speech is dedicated to the one man who has made it his mission to keep me smiling
You in the audience, thank you...for everything
And I can only hope that there will not be a repeat of this speech again
Trial and error is how I come to live my life hating to let opportunities pass by
And that's what I thought it was, I didn't listen to you because, I thought I was right
And as I conclude my speech, again I say thank you for being there for me
I love you..."
And he stood to his feet, not upset in the least, just excited I've come back by his side
I left the stage, to run into his open arms, how long I'll stay...that's hard to decide
-DFitz

I;m Happy
Let me wipe my brow as I take a bow, proud that for one sec in my life I am happy
The smile that I woke up with this morning has not left my face and my dimples are filled with joy
And for no apparent reason, just grateful to be alive, I have achieve that perfect peace
My walk is of confidence and I complete each step with grace not considering tomorrow may be different
And I know that this type of day is God's little way of rewarding me for my endurance
Not to mention yesterday, but the fog around my life was so thick it began choking my existence
Today is different...
Today I am happy, today I smile, and even though yesterdays trails are still at my waist, I accept this reward
I wear my smile proudly and I try my best to rub off on others what has been rubbed off on me
Its an amazing feeling that only one who has shared my shoes can understand
Its a lot of size sevens in this world, so I proclaim that we share this experience so that it may encourage others
My life is far from perfect, however, today...I think I tasted God's good grace, sprinkled with perfection, with a side of appreciation
I am full of the spirit of the Holy Ghost!
And as I wipe my brow, I gladly take my bow, proud that for one sec in my life I am happy!

His Response to...Pity Party

HIS RESPONSE
Expectations are not negotiations, and neither placed with all affiliations, but a bar set. Set for his queen, in his mind she is fit and so clean, feelings just right for his queen. His response was of excitement that night when it was lightning, not because of the storm, but how he weathered the storm for someone he felt was other than norm! Destination unknown, but questions of how long before I hear her tone, his response….I must hold on. Waiting...waiting for his queen to come thru, but yet there was no light for his darkness and on a day when he was sure to shine. His response, I was sure this was divine and I knew she was mine, but how could this happen, not this time, how far must I climb? Should I go so far as to be out of reach, so high that I can’t even hear her speak! Right now his queen looked so weak, when his response was only to help her reach her peak! Challenges of empty promises left unfilled, unfilled by the breath that breathed the words of his name forgotten tomorrow, when today the thought of him takes your breath away. Actions and words heard so simple but she wants to one day get to the lasting temple. Mentions of balloons withering in the wind with feelings tangled in the strings, strings attached so deep that it snags your fight and pulls your soul, how tight can she hold on? Hold to what was once her dream, her dream of finding true love, snatched from her as if awakening from a nightmare, as she looks about for answer not know the balloons that I personally filled of worthless queens, queens with no fight, no efforts to match his might, names of many he can recite, meaningful is she. Her sleeves stained with the moister of true feelings removed and tucked under lock and key.
His search was for the true her. The her, to which she began to display efforts not with held but displayed momentarily, but was swept away by the wind that carried the balloons the winds that came with the storm that produced the lightning, rain that dampened her sleeves with moister of true emotion! These are the word of His response…………………………………By K

I have special powers, and every time I say that I hear a slight chuckle from an unbeliever
I have special powers, I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true
Science fiction would have you to think that special powers includes
Me being able to read your mind, or me being able to create fire balls
Perhaps me being able to see through or run through walls
I can't do any of that, but I can change your whole attitude as your eyes scan past each word I've written
When I pour all of me to a white canvas and display all my flaws I can comfort you without a physical connection
I can kiss your soul with a very descriptive adjective and I can rattle your nerves with a provoking statement
I have special powers!
I made him cry with a sentence from my last poem, it hurt to the point of tears
And I never touched him, a special power
I gave her a letter I wrote five years ago and it empowered her get up get out and do something
My mind and my words change lives, a special power
And everyday God reminds me now to not abuse this power for at any second it can be taken away
I challenged God eight years ago and wrote a poem he told me to never write
She killed her self after reading the best poem a eleventh grader could put together
Art I declared, but it was the knife in her heart
And while I found it hilarious and cool to make others laugh
She ran home and ingested 10 pills from her mothers medicine cabinet
The news made it back to me everything I thought I knew about my gift was confirmed
Special powers to provoke life and death
But God blocked it all, he took away my special powers for two years
I suffered night after night unable to write at all
I was powerless, I hated living, I was .... normal
It was at the end of my second year after being unable to create any work of art
I demanded God's presence in my life and I struck the deal of a lifetime
You give me back my powers and I'll use them in your name
We shook on it and every since that day, I have held my end of the bargain
So I have special powers whether you believe or not.
And if it is still funny to you, allow me to show you what I can do in the name of Jesus

I bought balloons and cake for the pity party I threw for myself yesterday
Of the many men I ran over and through, the one I tried to be right for feels played
I allowed him to meet the real me, something I rarely do and he turns his back
Extremely hurt I am not, slightly disappointed my be an accurate description
Even though I can assure you that tomorrow I'll forget his name, today I feel...bad
So this is the emotion I am facing right now in this very moment and its killing me
This is the same feeling I run from and blinded by an anticipated future, I was unable to see this coming
I thought this was real...
I didn't send out any invites to my pity party because it is a private affair
The helium filled balloon gravitated to the top of my ceiling and I had an idea
Perhaps I should tie all my real feelings to each string and release the balloon into the atmosphere
In the middle of this process the Holy Spirit spoke to me and I paused
He whispered to my tattered heart, don't stop feeling...or else you won't feel me
So I gathered my feelings, even the ones that were injured in this whole experience and...
I put them away..
No longer located on my sleeve, my feelings and emotions lie hidden and there they shall stay
That is until I find he that is receptive to all I am and all I have to give
Until that time, I will continue doing what was working, which was masking the true me
And doing all that is necessary to avoid getting hurt...
-DFitz

I fucked up

I fucked up, excuse my french but I fucked up

And I am constantly wondering why I can't luck up

I get sucked into the daily dramas trying to avoid being a mama

But here I am looking down like what do I do now

But the answers not on the ground its on this round

Pink dot that lay on the test and now I'm thinking what next

What do I expect from a night of unprotected sex

I'm a statistic and now they will point and laugh

They will laugh at the big belly I have

Or have not, the test might be wrong..right

Did he really nut in me that night, but the sex was out of site

Had my mind gone as we grinded all night long

On and on, his moans my groans, its known

That he is married to this white chick Carrie

Who has carried three of his five kids

So thats what it is, I live in the fizz

A painful carbonation or life's hesitation

To serve me with relations just face 'em

But I face shit and the shit I face is the shit I taste

Which becomes the shit I try to erase so it may be misplaced

Yet there is a track of shit that continues to follow me

And now this shit is obviously showing the flaws of me

Because there is a pink dot or is it blue

Is this test new or is it through

And I hold in my hand the test of life

The test which I know is 99% right

It proof of the life I have lived and now the life I must give

A life full of secrects and fibs, for a life of bottles and bibs

To me this is all scary, I tell him, he tells Carrie

Carrie will stay married for he's done it two other times with Mary

And Mary and I are only his sex substitutions, welcome to my life of confusion

Now I work on this illusion and bring about some defusion

The pink dot does not deserve a life so corrupt

Damn, I fucked up, I fucked up

-DFitz

Write is Right

I thought about you today, but then I thought about me

I thought about them, then I thought about we

How we use to hang, how we use to be

How I use smile everytime I would hear you sing

How we use to fight and make up in the end

How you were my only and my one true friend

The way you use cook for me can never for get that

Out in the streets we had each other's back

I was your Frick you were my Frack

You was the coke with my bottle of Jack

I'd give a lung to bring you back

I gave my heart as a matter of fact

But I take it all in stride, the hurt I try to hide

Cause everytime I think about it apart of me dies

You could've told me, could've should've but decline

Can't take back what left with the time

But I must admit in the back of mind

Still wishing that you was mine....

And with the days passing by it get a little easier

Niggas compliment me it get a little easier

I don't see your face, it gets a little easier

But the chick that got your mind, got me wishing I was her

You will always be the one that got the best of me

But I guess it will be one to get the rest of me

And hopefully I can make the rest of a bit of more appealing

They will appreciate the real me...

Never mind that, just wanna let you know

It was never my choice to ever let you go

But now its my choice to let you go

I love you but I love me more...

-DFitz

I try to write as if its not me but my internal desires and my eternal fires seem to poke through and show themselves
I fiend for attention and all I do to get it is retreat into my own thoughts and hope someone sees me
Backwards is my front and the only way I can read any of your thoughts is through the mirrors reflections
I gather that if I could ever be normal then i would be that of famous so I'm told
But spot light shows flaws and I don't have enough make up to hide them all so I sit in my room...under a lamp
Enough light for those around me to see that I'm more than they but its not for all to know
We use to be in love and then he said he'd had enough of my weirdness so he took his bag and left
He said that he was going to find normal because I was too outside the box for him...he's lonely in my world
He told me that playing in the play grounds of my mind was too much of a hassle and he needed something easy
I simple replied that his place was never in my mind, but in my heart and I'm sorry if he got lost in my thoughts...I do it too sometimes
It never made him stay rather easier to go and I was back to the feeling I am so use to, that of being alone
The well of tears that use to pour through when I tried convincing my self to be like everyone else has dried
The only thing that makes my eyes water is the end of Hope Floats because I'm reminded that my life is fine just the way it is
What is suppose to happen to me has and what is to happen will come
And so what if I like peanut butter and ketchup sandwiches, it taste great
So I like sniffing new purses, the smell of fresh leather is amazing
I challenge you to be you and not conform to what society says that you should be
I became more than what I was labeled and took the title of CEO and have been full stride ever since
But I regret to inform you that I only travel as far as the rays from the lamp in my room
Only those close to me see my potential and comfort comes when I sniff leather while eating a peanut butter and ketchup sandwich
And one day when I am perfect, I will get out of the peanut butter and ketchup to the speed of my thoughts
I will acknowledge the reason i have so many strips on my back is from the same leather of pain I love to smell
It reminds me to be strong and to never let life beat me down
One day I will find he that enjoys the playground of my mind and doesn't feel alone rather at home in my thoughts
I accept that I am different have you?

Marry Me

My only prayer was that he see how much I loved him
The only tears that ever escaped his eyes was that of loneliness, pain, and fear
I tasted all three
I held his hand through those times when the only way he'd look at his reflection with through the glare in my eyes
I kissed his heart when she tried her best to crush it, I mended it back together with my prayers
And it was me who used my love as ointment to ease the pain of rejection, I never left his side
And then he calls me last week with the excitement in his voice she wants him back
And this time...Its for good! Married he says, they are to be wed and he'd like me at the court house
Three tears escaped my eyes and I tasted those too
With my heart on the floor, I dressed yesterday to again support his happiness
I stopped at BP to gas my trip to pure heart ache and disappointment
And then I arrived at my doom's day, the day I watch the love of my life marry his very destruction
So I walk through the doors every step harder and harder to take
I look for the signs to direct me to my internal hell and it is on the second floor
I proceed into the elevator shacking and nervous, not even sure why I came
The doors open to his smiling face, him dressed in the finest tux he could afford
He looked great and I smiled too to show my support
My lip trembled as he grabbed my hand excited, "This is it!"
If I had of spoke, I would've cried so all I did was smile harder
We walked through the large oak doors and there stood...his brother...his parents
My sisters, my parents and a judge...
He turned to me on one knee and said..."Marry Me!"

Sunday NightLife at Grand Central

Sunday Nightlife

Come Join us at Grand Central 101 N. Tryon St.

This is the newest and hottest spot on Sundays to come meet new people, relax and have a good time.

'It's time to look forward to Sunday Nights"

Sunday Nightlife

R&B Live Charlotte

R&B Live

It saddens me to see the lack of R&B presence in Charlotte, NC. Seems like behind every bus stop in this city it is eight sometimes thirteen rappers, but the stock of real R&B singers is scarce. And truly, I don't believe that there is a shortage of singers , I just believe that perhaps there is not a place in Charlotte they can call home. Well, actually there is a spot.
I can recall first seeing the flyer for R&B Live on Mingle Berry at the beginning of the year. I was very interested in seeing what was going down, but I could never find time to pass through. So I believe late January, I sucked it up, took a "L" at the job, and left...just to go check out this R&B Live. I must say, I was impressed. The crowd was small, yet the feel was so cozy and intimate. I felt safe and I was also able to enjoy some great R&B music. What could be better?
I went with my business partner and we both agreed that this weekly event should be experienced by everyone at least one time in their life. I invite you out every Wednesday to come and listen to a live band and some great R&B singers. Its nice to see Charlotte R&B society has a home.

Check out the website http://www.randblivecharlotte.com